He didn’t drive. 31 and a dad, but no car. Just one of the many things that “got old fast”. Too bad I still haven’t learned my lesson on car-less men, but that’s irrelevant. He smoked like a chimney. So much so that he, and his breath, constantly smelt of cigarettes. Like a man born in a casino. Not to mention his gambling, Mr. ex-professional poker player. It was all fucking disgusting. The habits of a man double his age and the togetherness of man half it.
It had been 3 months and things were… alright. Okay, maybe that was my perspective. He was basically living the dream. But like I said before, shit felt off. We had moved into the “relationship” stage of our dating. Unfortunately, this happened entirely by accident and very much to my disappointment. Only assuming the official boyfriend/girlfriend title after I used the saying “I have a boyfriend” to deflect a drunk man's solicitations. Had I known when saying it that it would become law, I’d have chosen different verbiage. Oh, well.
Turns out, this new title was only the beginning of what was about to be an avalanche of crazy. But we're not there yet.. After an incredible weekend in Leavenworth, WA, shit was feeling romantic. Despite the fact that we hadn't fucked the whole trip. But that probably wasn't a red flag or anything. *cough cough* So when we got back there was a lot of talk about lease endings and rental houses. Or maybe a better way to phrase it would be, there was a lot of attempts at talking. Not so many successful ones.
I was 22 and not even remotely ready to live with anyone, especially a boyfriend. Not to mention his various red flags that were far too similar to my father for comfort. The neon sign in my head flashing, “get out”. It was no shock to me the following week when the convo got brought up again and I got spooked. What was a surprise, or maybe not (ie red flags), was his response. It was like my decline to move in together was a personal attack against him. So as he lashed out with manipulative comments to try changing my mind. I formed my game plan to end it.
Being Queen of the Drop Back, I did exactly that. Too bad he didn't get it. Which, I guess in retrospect, was a lame way for me to handle it. However, communications never been my strong suit. It wasn't long before he got suspicious of my disappearing act. Finally coming to terms with the fact that I was passed just needing space. Tired of his attention, questions, existence in my life. I broke up with him a week later in our jobs parking lot.
I was young and didn't understand the craziness that was about to transpire. I didn't know this one, minuscule decision, would lead to over a years worth of issues, drama and lies.
Not that it would have changed anything but, if only I knew then what I know now…
To be continued...